Mommin' Ain't Easy

Ok let's face it, we moms are our own worst critic. We spend our days taking care of little humans, trying to make sure we are the best parents possible and still at the end of the day some of us feel like we didn't do enough. Our not enough is not doing enough for our kids, not doing enough for everyone else and most of all not doing enough to take care of ourselves. Truth be told, we most likely meet the needs of everyone and every obligation except for those of ourselves. How many times have you bathed your child, brushed their teeth and made sure they went to sleep peacefully yet, you crash on the couch without a bath or clean breath? 

The past few weeks I've been feeling uneasy. So many things regarding motherhood in general, my community and my own parenting journey have had me on edge. I want to find answers, I want to be my best, I want to help as many moms as I can achieve peace. 

I've wondered to myself some of the following things:

1.) How do I create my tribe? 

I have friends. I do not have a best friend. I have friends but I don't have that group of friends that I call my tribe. I think one of the reason I'm in a constant state of oneness is because I'm an only child (disclaimer: I'm my mothers only child, I have siblings via my father however, I was raised as an only by my mother). Finding friends has always been easy. Creating temporary best friends hasn't been a problem....keeping a real long term female best friend has never happen for me. (Disclaimer: my first best friend passed away when I was 14. She's been irreplaceable) 

2.) How do I not feel guilty when telling people that I can't or that don't want to do something? 

I've mastered the art of saying no. In most cases,  I'm often a giver of no fucks.  Then there are those times when the guilt of saying no consumes me. This happens especially when those people I say no to are those that usually say yes to me. I feel selfish....but man, I'm usually saying no because I'm just so tired. 

3.) How do I help my child free friends/colleagues understand and not take personal me not wanting to participate in extracurricular activities...especially ones that take place after I've worked and mommed all day. 

I just want to go home, put my child to sleep after dinner and disconnect. 

4.) How do I protect Amaya from the crazy world? 

Yikes! I walk a thin line between being a mama bear and the mother of a free spirited child. I want Amaya to experience the real word but at the same time I want to protect her from the unfairness of the word too. I don't want her to experience heartbreak yet I want her to be tuff enough to deal if it should come her way. 

5.) Am I living up to my greatest potential? 

There are so many things that I want to achieve in my lifetime. There are so many people that I want to help. How do I achieve these things while also being fully present for my family? 

6.) Organization. 

How do I keep life organized when living life? One of my favorite sayings is: homes are not messy, they are lived in. How do we achieve complete organization while raising children? Will that mother come help me? Please? 

I believe that everything happens as it should. I guess that is what helps me during the times I feel so overwhelmed. I believe that God never puts more on us than we can bear. I just wish my inner self  would acknowledge this!

What inner dialogue do you have with yourself about mothering? 

Bomb Mom Stories: Donating Breast Milk After Miscarriage

On a busy Thursday afternoon at Amaya Papaya a sweet mama walked in to drop off her donated breast milk. Amaya Papaya is a breast milk drop off location for Get PUMPed so initially, the moment was routine.  Every donation is special. I love getting to celebrate the mamas for such a huge act of love. While every donation drop off is amazing, this moment and this act of love would leave a huge impact on my heart. Like normal, I asked for the container that the milk was transported in so I could take it back to the freezer to be stored. I noticed that the mama was hesitant to let the milk go, literally. She said "I'm not ready to let it go". I asked her how old her baby was....she looked at me with loving eyes and told me that she had lost her child a few weeks ago. In that moment everything that was happening in the lounge stopped. It was just that sweet mama and I. I noticed her eyes begin to fill with tears so I asked her if I could offer her a hug. We embraced. Mama support is one of the most powerful forms of energy another mom can show to another mom.  I offered her the chance to be able to walk to the freezer with me to unload the milk from her cooler. She gladly accepted! We walked back through the busy lounge to the freezer. I'm not going to lie....all types of thoughts popped into my mind about the mom seeing other babies playing.  While at the freezer I asked her about her family. I was really hesitant to ask if this was her only child, but to my surprise she was very open.  I'm a counselor by trade, so I am very cautious about asking people to much without a sign that they are willing to share more. She told me about her two small daughters and how the baby that she lost was her first born son.

 While she transferred the milk to the freezer I offered to take a picture of her doing so and of course all 164oz of milk that she donated! More hugs and some laughs later we headed back to the front where we chatted a bit more about her son Dominic and most important how she was feeling about the drop off. This milk was the last "physical" reminder of her son that she could see, feel or smell. I messaged her the picture that I had taken and gave her another hug before she left.  Later that night when I got home I messaged her to share how this moment made a huge impact on me.  I asked her if I could share the story about her drop off on my blog and if there was anything that she wanted me to include about her story. I was surprised to receive back such an amazing text about her birth and her son Dominic.  This sweet mama's name is Sharita. Here is her story in her words........ 

"I was 16 weeks pregnant when I went into preterm labor with Dominic on February 9, 2016.  My boy was healthy, my body wasn't, I had just suffered a miscarriage in August of 2015. After eight hours in labor I had my first vaginal birth, he came feet first! My heart was broken, I hated my body and it has taken me a while to trust my body again. I didn't anticipate my milk coming in as the Doctor assured me it wouldn't, but it did.  Once it did, it was the most devastating thing after my loss, the milk that was supposed to nourish my baby was here, but my son was not.  I couldn't take the pain of my breast being engorged. I asked for advice from people in the ICAN (The International Cesarean Awareness Network, Inc)  group.  One of the ladies suggested I donate my milk.  I knew it was the right thing to do.  I got in touch with Get PUMPed. They explained to me that donated milk stays local and that they don't charge for it.   I knew that was something I wanted to be a part of. I knew my son, even in death, would be a blessing to another baby and mom. In his name I wanted to help and do the right thing. 

Supporting a mother who has lost a child due to miscarriage in the second trimester can be tough.  For a while, I did not want to see another pregnant mom.  I did not want to hear a baby crying.  I found no comfort in pumping.

To offer support it is important to listen, encourage and also respect the mother's space.  Understand that she is not broken or handicap.  She is hurting. Everyone grieves differently and that is OK.  There is no comparison to the loss of a child. Don't compare your loss to another woman's loss."

Sharita was able to express her milk and store it with the donation of a brand new breast pump and supplies from Get PUMPed.  She says that Get PUMPed played a huge part in her donating her milk. Per federal mandate for insurance companies they cannot give a pump before 28 weeks.  Her milk was donated locally here in Orlando to a baby that was adopted! The mother who adopted the baby suffered her own loss previously by loosing two children via miscarriage and also pumped to donate milk after those losses as well. Upon accepting the milk from Sharita and Dominic she wrote Sharita a note.

About Get PUMPed: 

Get PUMPed(Providing Urgent Milk to Parents) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to providing breast milk to babies in Central Florida who, due to extraordinary circumstances, cannot be nursed by their biological mothers. We do not sell or buy breast milk. We facilitate the donation of milk from screened donors.

Starting this week I will select one mother's story a month to write about. These stories will be titled Bomb Mom Stories. The stories will be about the triumphs and challenges of motherhood. I am honored to share Sharita's story as the first blog in this series. 

About the Bomb Mom Movement: 

Bomb Mom by @amayapapayasmom is a modern mama movement that supports mothers at all stages of their parenting journey. 

Bomb Mom is a community of women who honor a "no judgement" approach to uplift each other while navigating the maze of motherhood.

If you are interested in sharing your story please email me at amayapapayaplay@gmail.com. 

The Jungle Book Live Action Movie

Tonight I had the honor of being able to watch an advanced screening of The Jungle Book with Amaya and some of my awesome customers from Amaya Papaya! 

Our group ranged in age from 1 years old to 40+. After the movie everyone was smiling and boasted about how good the movie was and how it held their attention the entire time. For the kids I think it must have been fun to see the characters brought to life. For the adults if they are anything like me, seeing the new movie stick to the story line however, giving a bit more depth to the story made the movie Epic. The end was indeed heartfelt and I cheered as a new ending was left open for us to only image what happens next. 

Each moment of the movie was captivating. I cried from joy and sadness, cheered as Mowgli ran as fast as he could, laughed at the cute moments and clung to my seat as Mowgli found himself in some pretty intense moments. 

Movie remakes are always a risk. Disney totally hit the ball out of the park with this one. Certainly a risk worth taking. My favorite character in the movie was definitely King Louie! He will now be know to me as the King of the Monkey Mafia! Him singing was nostalgic yet refreshingly mondern for this remake. 

*The views expressed in this blog are those of Amaya Papaya's mom. I was not paid to review this movie. 

April Fools Pregnancy Joke

I have mixed feelings about this. 

For 8 years on and off we struggled with not being able to get pregnant until finally this year we decided to let the dream go and that adoption would be in our future. 

Over the years to make light of my own situation I HAVE posted April fools pregnancy funnies. I'm not sure what has made me sadder...a friend posting that they are pregnant for real....or the relief I've felt around April fools day when someone says their post was a joke. Don't get me wrong. I find joy in others happiness but when you have a goal in mind and you keep failing while others seem to be winning it can be discouraging. 

I just don't know. I guess if you've been on both sides of the spectrum you could either feel like people are insensitive or like people are to sensitive.  I try my hardest not to judge other people as I could never walk in someone else's shoes. I don't want to. From my perspective, in the past I've posted because it helped me to make light of my own situation and helped me to laugh at myself. In my case I believe God knows what's best for me and what is meant to be will be. This year, I will not post an April fools pregnancy funny. Out of respect for the women who like me have struggled with infertility and who don't find it funny that happen to come across my post I'll remain pregnancy post free on April fools day.  Empathy and compassion are the first steps in being my sisters keeper.   I'm sure I can come up with something else that is sure to be way more epic and unforgettable. After all....I'm a huge jokester! 

What are your feelings on this topic? 

I am a Mother Runner....I am!

This week I began running.........again. Consistency with running has become a great challenge that I must get over. For the past year I have started running again ....over and over and over again.

I love running. No, not in the way that I love Disney but, I do love running. Ok, it's more of a love hate thing, but once I'm consistent the benefits far outweigh the hate. Running gives me peace. This is the time I'm able to meditate and pray clearly with no distractions. I've never been good at praying. I'm sort of like Dori from finding Nemo when I pray. I start praying about one thing and then....oh! Running is great for my self diagnosed ADD. I can concentrate on going forward, listen to my music or nature and pray without ceasing for as long as I run. Winning! 

In 2014 I ran my first and only 1/2 marathon. It was a Disney race of course!

I was even featured on the Drink Chia blog during my training. I've run many 5K's and have discovered that 10K's are my sweet spot! A 10K is 6.2 miles. This distance gives me a bit more of a challenge than a 5K yet prevents me from trying to kill myself by trying to run 13.1 miles.  Don't get me wrong, I love the challenge of the 1/2 marathon however, as a mom and a business owner I barely have time to shower let alone train enough to get that mileage in.  I do have this crazy idea that I'd like to run the Walt Disney World Full Marathon in 2017 or 2018. Crazy. I know. I'm going to do it! 

I've found that being signed up for races is key for me to be motivated to run. This year so far I have run a 5K to support Autism. I was excited to sign up for this race as it included a medal also known as "bling" to the runner community.

Bling, is also a good motivator for me to run. It gives me something to remind me of my accomplishment. I am also signed up for my one Disney race of the year.  The Star Wars Dark Side 10K is sure to be a fun race! While I'm not a Star Wars fan, I am a Disney crazy lady. I'm trying to brush up on my Star Wars history by watching movies before the race. I'm planning to run as C3P0. 

If you are looking for stress relief I encourage you to start walking/running. It's a great way to relax and be healthy. If you would like to join me in my next race on April 9, I am giving away a FREE race registration this week on my Facebook page! If you miss the contest you can register for the 2nd Annual Live, Work, Move Seminole 5K online at https://www.facebook.com/events/801749953268303/

Be sure to join the Amaya Papaya team! 

Please pray for my running consistency 😜.