Mommin' Ain't Easy

Ok let's face it, we moms are our own worst critic. We spend our days taking care of little humans, trying to make sure we are the best parents possible and still at the end of the day some of us feel like we didn't do enough. Our not enough is not doing enough for our kids, not doing enough for everyone else and most of all not doing enough to take care of ourselves. Truth be told, we most likely meet the needs of everyone and every obligation except for those of ourselves. How many times have you bathed your child, brushed their teeth and made sure they went to sleep peacefully yet, you crash on the couch without a bath or clean breath? 

The past few weeks I've been feeling uneasy. So many things regarding motherhood in general, my community and my own parenting journey have had me on edge. I want to find answers, I want to be my best, I want to help as many moms as I can achieve peace. 

I've wondered to myself some of the following things:

1.) How do I create my tribe? 

I have friends. I do not have a best friend. I have friends but I don't have that group of friends that I call my tribe. I think one of the reason I'm in a constant state of oneness is because I'm an only child (disclaimer: I'm my mothers only child, I have siblings via my father however, I was raised as an only by my mother). Finding friends has always been easy. Creating temporary best friends hasn't been a problem....keeping a real long term female best friend has never happen for me. (Disclaimer: my first best friend passed away when I was 14. She's been irreplaceable) 

2.) How do I not feel guilty when telling people that I can't or that don't want to do something? 

I've mastered the art of saying no. In most cases,  I'm often a giver of no fucks.  Then there are those times when the guilt of saying no consumes me. This happens especially when those people I say no to are those that usually say yes to me. I feel selfish....but man, I'm usually saying no because I'm just so tired. 

3.) How do I help my child free friends/colleagues understand and not take personal me not wanting to participate in extracurricular activities...especially ones that take place after I've worked and mommed all day. 

I just want to go home, put my child to sleep after dinner and disconnect. 

4.) How do I protect Amaya from the crazy world? 

Yikes! I walk a thin line between being a mama bear and the mother of a free spirited child. I want Amaya to experience the real word but at the same time I want to protect her from the unfairness of the word too. I don't want her to experience heartbreak yet I want her to be tuff enough to deal if it should come her way. 

5.) Am I living up to my greatest potential? 

There are so many things that I want to achieve in my lifetime. There are so many people that I want to help. How do I achieve these things while also being fully present for my family? 

6.) Organization. 

How do I keep life organized when living life? One of my favorite sayings is: homes are not messy, they are lived in. How do we achieve complete organization while raising children? Will that mother come help me? Please? 

I believe that everything happens as it should. I guess that is what helps me during the times I feel so overwhelmed. I believe that God never puts more on us than we can bear. I just wish my inner self  would acknowledge this!

What inner dialogue do you have with yourself about mothering?